So, this post was originally conceived as being about how I don't relate to the idea of knowing someone from when you were kids and how I don't make friends. Then my therapist suggested that i might have Asperger Syndrome, which prompted me to do more research into it. Most of what I read really resonates with my experience in life, especially the social interaction aspects and the need for structure in my life.
From the Wikipedia page on Asperger Syndrome:
Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity (social "games" give-and-take mechanic), and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture.
I've always been what I would describe as scared of speaking to most people, and others have told me that I frequently fail to make eye contact. Also, people have told me that I don't generally have a non-neutral facial expression, leading them to think that I'm upset when I'm not. The ensuing lack of friends that comes from this is something that I've lived with my whole life. The only time this really changed at all was once I got on the Internet in college and was able to communicate and socialize through the written word. I have learned, over time, to be able to function in social settings at work, but I know I'm not as socially competent as everyone else.
Sometimes I wish I was better with socializing, or with making friends. It's just so boring being alone all the time and wishing I could go do something. Everyone else seems so happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life as it is, with my fiancée and my transition and everything. I just get jealous of others having fun more than I do.